Keep your privates, private

Chain me
Ask someone to marry you with this beautiful leather article! (Except a vegan, obviously.) Soft leather wrapping cover, loveheart, ball and chain. (You add the sex, threat, power, and enslavement.)

Adultery? Me?
Carries the letter A. Of course. Choose from discreet silver A to loud-proud-flash-trash silver A.

Fool Me
For the charmingly deluded. Let's pretend love will last forever and the diamond ring in that chain is real.

Unzip me
Notebook for the serially sexually offending. The zip works, too.

Tickle me
Fun and colourful; supplied with feathers. I like.

Who? Me?
Stuff Facebook. The bastards are peeking. Use this little black contacts book instead.

Punk Me
Studs and safety pins, but in a post-punk ironic embedded structural oevure, obviously. It's not 1976 now, you know.

Cursed Me
Unrequited love? Thwarted passions? Doomed to love the person who doesn't love you back? We all need Sonnet 141. This notebook, not for sale. I make you one with a different heart. The one turned battered iron? Mine.

Fetish me
Choose the emblem that turns you on and I'll conjure with it to produce a desirable piece of leather ware. Choose your piece. Spider? Shoe? Piece of string? More leather? Sure, whatever you want. It's yours, all yours. (No children, pets, pigeons, or blood.)

Sauce me
Mills and Boon comes alive!

Thrill me
Cheap and flashy. Black and pink. Cut-price lace and dirty nylon. Tacky, tawdry. How do you mean, slapper?

Unlace me
Ohh la la! Soft brown suede cover threaded with black ribbon lacing up or out.

Unbuckle me
For the teenager in your life. All belt, buckle, glitter and flowers. Also, Sold.

Romance me
Shy romantic-lady heart-flowers type of notebook. Not vicious in any way. Nice.

Wish for me
Notebook with a wand threaded on the front, for when you need a fairy godmother. Take out the wand, wave it, then write your wish in this deep pink sueded notebook, and wait for it to come true. (Only works for good wishes, obviously! Not bad wishes like, I wish Grit would turn into a rat.*)

Money me
Notebook for the avaricious. Inside paper is made from pulped and recycled bank notes. Look on those and weep.

Eat me
For the morbidly obese. Confess your calorie intakes in this book. No, the real ones. Not the ones you tell the woman at the clinic.

Hit me
Notebook of the violence. Keep a record of the domestic abuse then take it to prosecution.

Revenge me
Supplied with pins to stick in the dolly.

Cut me
Notebook for self-harmers. Supplied with razor blades. Cut the notebook instead. Make the blood poetic rather than all over the carpet. The emotional release won't be the same, but it's worth a try. Sold.

Control me
Notebook for anorexics and bullimics. You can try eating the notebook, sure. At 3 calories it'll taste vile. Just like everything else in life.

Anonymous Me
Without signature, indication, external show of any kind. The inside, to your requirements. (I keep secrets.)

Don't marry me
Fantasy romance meets bunny boiler. Perfect cautionary gift. Notebook in pink and frills supplied with rusty nails and weapons for when it all turns ugly.

Divorce me
Ahh, Cupid woz here. The bastard. Notebook for messy divorces, to contain the sort of threats that peel your lips off, better not spoken in public. Supplied with sharp needle point for pretend stabbing of the betrayer.

 Angel Me
 Black wing, black leather. Touch of the Goth.

Love me till I'm dead
Victorian Gothic? Steampunk? The skull brigade? Notebook for you. Death, love, immortality. In red and black for the damaged and dangerous. Also suitable for miserable bastards and borderline wackos. Because we still want to have fun.

* But I'd bet that if Grit is a rat, she's cute.

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